Your Cold Eyes
by Ambarlost
Summary: "You hate me. I love you. That's not going to stop me from trying to look elsewhere." When Julian decides to give up and find happiness without Logan, he'll find that this may finally be what gets the attention he's been dying for. Jogan.
1. Chapter 1

**Your Cold Eyes- a Gondola fic**

**by Ambarlost**

**Rated T for some swearing and future sex. (Stop looking at me like that. It's Jogan. It's impossible to write Jogan without it.)**

**Based off of Dalton by the extremely talented CP Coulter.  
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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

It was his hair that Julian noticed first. He was stuck at some publicity party full of wannabes sucking up to the bigger names and on the verge of flat out escaping, but then he'd spotted it. In a sea of flashy, perfect faces that were just another part of Hollywood, that golden hair had somehow stood out from the rest. It shone under the bright lights with a far too familiar gleam and for just a second, Julian let himself indulge his imagination. The blond boy making his way through the crowd wasn't a stranger, but rather, one of his closest (alright, only) friends. He was there as his date (hey, might as well dream big, right?) and he would sit down next to Julian, look at him with bright, green eyes, open that talented mouth, and say-

"Hey."

He jumped, jolted by the unexpected voice in his ear. "_Fuck_."

"Whoa. I'm hoping that's not your standard greeting." The blond boy he'd just been watching slid into the seat next to him, an amused look on his face. "Sorry about that, though. It's just that you were the only person in the room who looked as bored as me. I figured I should introduce myself." He offered his hand to Julian. "Zachary Lancaster."

Julian recognised him now. Zachary Lancaster was quickly becoming a big name in the music industry, even though he' was only Julian's age. He'd been the drummer in a band known mainly for its teenage girl fans, but the band's split up had seemed like the end of his music career. That is, until he released his own album, deviating wildly from the pop style he'd been associated with and establishing himself as a brilliant musician and singer in his own right. Immediately after, he'd announced that he would be entering the acting world and had been snapped up into a movie right away. He was undeniably talented.

"Right. I'm Julian Larson," he said, shaking his hand.

Zachary smiled again. God. It was a really nice smile. Open, warm, and inviting… _So that's what Logan could look like._

Just not around Julian.

"I kind of already knew that," laughed Zachary. "But thanks for confirming it."

Julian raised an eyebrow. "You know me so well? I'm flattered."

"Then you're easily flattered," Zachary shot back, but his smile somehow kept the sting out of his words. "Anyways, it's because of that teen movie you're doing next year."

"There hasn't been any official announcement of that." Ah, question dodging. What would Hollywood do without it?

"Oh, come on. They just signed me on to it, too. I already know it's official. I'll be playing your character's best friend." Zachary leaned in a little, his eyes getting a mischievous gleam. "You know. The one that you have a drunken kiss with."

"Oh, god," Julian groaned, before looking Zachary over. "At least you're passably hot."

It was true, though. Zachary was good-looking with chiseled features, but not so much as to become intimidating. His simply cut, dark blue shirt clung to his body in all kinds of fantastic ways and you'd never be able to tell that the seats were actually rather uncomfortable from the way his long, jean-clad legs were stretched out in front of him in a position of complete ease. His Logan-blond hair kept falling a little into his Logan-green eyes, despite how he would brush it back every so often. Even with the glamour of fame about him (although Lord knows Julian was used to _that_ by this point), there was a down to earth, approachable quality about him. Everything about him spoke of an easy, casual confidence that was beginning to make the reasons for his abundance of fangirls obvious. The guy just looked so much like Logan. It was awfully tempting. He could see the headlines now: _Young Hollywood Star, Julian Larson, Turns Zachary Lancaster Gay. Fangirls Devastated Worldwide. _

"Done checking me out?" Zachary's voice pulled him back out of the daze he had drifted into. Julian's head shot up to see Zachary's eyes fixed on him and that damnable smile still hovering around his lips.

"So," Zachary mused. "The famous Julian Larson isn't as straight as the media believes him to be."

Damn. And he'd actually kind of liked this guy.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked witheringly, his eyes sparking with a glare, but Zachary just waved it off.

"Please. I have impeccable gaydar. If I had to guess, I'd say... Hm, bi, yes?"

Julian shook his head slowly. "My friend takes years to figure that out, and you get that in a couple minutes?"

"Like I said, impeccable gaydar. It's a side effect of also being that."

Oh. _Oh._ He'd have to change that headline to "_Young Hollywood Star Julian Larson and Musician Zachary Lancaster Discovered in Gay Love Nest. Fangirls Explode the Internet."_

"Sounds like fun. Ever find out the deep, dark secrets of someone famous?" Julian asked lightly.

"Maybe a couple." Zachary tilted his head. "You know the lead singer from the band I used to play with"

Julian's eyebrows shot up. "You mean the guy famous for hooking up with his female groupies is actually gay?"

Zachary winced. "The groupies thing would be why I broke up with him. But don't tell anyone. Guy troubles. Aren't they a whole lot of fun?"

"I know," Julian agreed.

"Not even out yet and having guy troubles already? Don't worry, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine. Do you wanna talk-" Zachary was cut off by Julian's cell phone.

"Sorry, hang on a sec," Julian muttered. He sighed when he saw the flashing reminder pop up on his screen. Putting it away, he looked up and frowned. "I have to go. I've got a flight back to school."

"School? How… quaint." Zachary's voice was teasing, especially on the last word, but there was an evident disappointment in him. "Let me guess. Some rich private school?"

"Something like that. It's called Dalton. Look me up sometime; it's been nice talking with you and we're going to be working together anyways." Julian hopped off his seat and headed for the door.

"Wait. Let me give you my number," Zachary stopped him, scribbling a string of numbers onto a napkin and pushing it in Julian's hand. "Alright. We'll keep in touch, Larson!"

Julian smiled as he walked out. He had a distinct feeling that they would.

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><p><strong>(AN: I swear, this isn't an excuse to hook Julian up with some random OC. Anyways, it's an awful beginning, but I'm still getting the setup out of the way. Honestly, I didn't even want to post this yet, but Sebastian/Julian fics are spreading, and they're getting uncomfortably close to my story. Reviews, please. The only reason I put this online instead of just keeping it to myself is for others to read it.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Your Cold Eyes by Ambarlost  
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**Not mine, belongs to CP Coulter, etc.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Julian let a little grin creep onto his face as he checked his phone for the sixth time. He knew he was being silly, but still… He was looking forwards to it.

"_What_ is going on with you?" Logan's voice cut through his mental celebration. Oops. He'd forgotten that he was still sitting on the bed in Derek's room, studying with both of them. Poker face time.

"What?" he asked innocently, but Logan wasn't fooled.

"Don't try to pull that on me. You're looking at your phone again. I know you haven't gotten any new calls or messages. Seriously, what are you doing?"

Julian finally looked at Logan, swallowing imperceptibly. Somehow, he could never remember in time how intense it was to be caught in Logan's gaze. It was like in that moment the world narrowed down to just Logan and him. He always had a feeling that he would be left gasping for air if he looked back long enough.

Not that Logan would ever notice if Julian avoided his eyes.

Julian looked down instead. Huh. That v-neck t-shirt with thick, light grey stripes Logan was wearing under his black jacket looked way too familiar.

"Is that my shirt?"

"No."

It was.

"You took my shirt."

"I didn't."

He totally did.

"Thanks for asking first."

"You're welcome. Don't try to distract me. Why are you acting so strangely?"

"I'm not."

Logan's eyes narrowed.

Shit. Tactical error. Even he knew he wasn't acting like normal.

"I have to agree with Logan," Derek said, looking up from his textbook and notes. "You don't even usually answer your phone, much less pull it out to smile goofily over."

"Not to mention, this has been, what, the fifth time you've done so?" Logan took back over again.

"Sixth," Julian corrected him automatically. He had _really_ not meant to say that.

Logan paused at that, and then continued. "Exactly. I've never seen you act like this, not even with… What was her name?" he turned to ask Derek. "The blonde one?"

"He's only ever gone out with blondes," Derek said, glancing at Julian, who paled a little at his words. _Thanks for giving that bit of information away, Derek._

"Really?" Logan was derailed momentarily as he stopped to consider this.

"Mmhm." Derek pointedly ignored Julian's "May-the-heavens-rain-down-death-and-wreak-destruction-upon-you-for-all-eternity" glare.

"Wow. I didn't know you had a type, Jules," Logan said thoughtfully, smirking a little.

"Just because you're a giant squid of ignorance and denser than a concrete wall doesn't mean stuff didn't happen," Julian mumbled, pretending to study again.

Logan raised an eyebrow, but went on. "Anyways. That girl he went out with last year? Around Christmas time?"

Derek nodded now. "Emily. She had really nice legs." Logan and Julian just looked at him. "What?" he said with irritation. "She _did._"

"If you say so." Logan waved the comment off. "He didn't even act like this with her. And they were all over each other. I thought they were going to get married, it was that bad."

"She was cheating on me, you know," Julian interrupted him. It was a bit drastic to bring that up, but he really needed to distract Logan. It seemed to work, though. Derek and Logan both froze, blinking at the sudden confession.

"But she was so into you-"

"And girls _never_ cheat on Julian Larson," Logan finished Derek's sentence.

Julian rolled his eyes. "I _am_ human, you guys, although I know that may be hard to believe…"

"Stow it, Julian," Derek said. "You want to tell us what happened?"

"Not particularly, no." It would have been a little awkward to explain that she'd cheated on him because she didn't believe he cared about her as much as he cared about his friends.

"_If that Logan and I were both in a burning building, you would save him instead!"_ she'd screamed at him.

She was actually right, but he wasn't about to admit that to them.

"Ha!" Logan triumphantly said from his seat on the floor, yanking Julian's cell phone away while Julian thought over that last fight.

"Give that back!" Julian shouted, his voice getting a little panicky. He lunged down at Logan, but Logan dodged to the side as he read aloud the message Julian had kept on screen. They'd been texting and calling each other since the party, but this text was from only this morning.

"_Hey, Larson. I finally figured out where this Dalton of yours is. I'll be in the area tomorrow. Let's meet up. Oh, and wear that shirt from the picture of you and the hedgehog. You have no idea how good it looks on you_."

Logan's eyes widened as he read on, especially at the last sentence. "Hey, Jules. Somebody's got a crush on you."

"Shut up and give me my phone back. He's just a future co-worker," Julian said icily, wincing immediately at the words he had let slip. Maybe Logan wouldn't catch it-

"_He?_" Derek said incredulously. _Dammit, Derek…_

Logan's face went blank, letting Julian pull his cell phone out of suddenly motionless fingers. He licked his lips before speaking, drawing Julian's attention immediately. "Julian, you didn't… figure out you were gay and not tell me, right?" His voice was horribly expressionless.

"I didn't," Julian said flatly, not looking at Derek. _Derek, if you force me into coming out…_ But Derek remained mercifully and respectfully silent. Logan didn't answer, instead just nodding slowly.

"Well," Julian said, hopping off of the bed. "It's been quite fun, but I need to go. And Logan, I need my shirt back for tomorrow."

Logan looked up, returning to normal. "Wait. Don't tell me- this is the shirt that your new boyfriend wants you to wear?"

"Just get it back to me, Logan," Julian said, sliding his sunglasses on and gathering his books.

"Alright, alright." The tone of Logan's voice made him hesitate and turn to look back. What he saw practically gave him a heart attack.

_Damn._

Logan had shed his jacket and was pulling off the shirt far too exaggeratedly, exposing smooth, tanned skin. Julian thanked whatever instinct had cause him to put is sunglasses on before asking for his shirt back, because he was pretty sure he was staring. His mouth suddenly felt dry as his eyes traced that waist, those shoulders, the angled hips that continued into rough jeans-

"Catch." Logan threw the wadded-up shirt at Julian, who snatched it out of the air. "Can I borrow a different shirt now?"

"Logan. You have a whole closet full of shirts."

"It's too far away."

"Tough."

Logan smirked again. "Come on, do it for Derek. It must be traumatizing for him to have a half-naked gay boy in the room where he brings girls over."

"Damn straight," Derek interjected.

"_Fine_." Julian unbuttoned his own shirt and tossed it to Logan, pulling the reclaimed v-neck over his head. It didn't smell the same anymore. There was a soapier, smokier trace to it.

Mm.

"I'm out of here," Julian announced, sneaking a look at Logan buttoning up the shirt, his bare skin disappearing under the black and white plaid shirt, before walking out of the room.

"Don't forget to introduce the boyfriend to us tomorrow!" Logan called after him. "Oh, and one more thing."

The door banged back open; with Julian poking his head back with an irritated expression.

"What?" He bit the word out sharply.

"He's right, you know. That shirt does look good on you."

Julian pointed a finger dramatically at him.

"Just shut the fuck up, Logan." And the door slammed shut.

Logan blinked, surprised by the acidity in Julian's voice. "What was that all about?"

Derek shook his head. "If you really don't know, then leave it alone. You'll find out eventually." Julian was right. Logan _was_ denser than a concrete wall.

"Fine." Logan pushed up the sleeve of Julian's shirt. "This is nice. I should raid Julian's closet more often. Whatever detergent he uses, it smells good."

Logan was far past just a concrete wall.

**(A/N: Logan, you squid. Just so you know, I don't mean the "concrete wall" thing as a rip-off of CP Coulter. It's just a little reference I was hoping someone would get. You guys know the drill. Reviews, bitte schön?)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Your Cold Eyes by Ambarlost.**

**Dalton and the characters used here (except for Zachary) are all the property of CP Coulter and her genius imagination. Go forth and thank her for the bounty we are about to receive. (Read: Her beta's comments on Ep. 27 are driving me mad with anticipation...)  
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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

"So, the blondie, huh?" Zachary grinned conspiratorially at him from across the table in the little coffee shop they were meeting at.

"What, Logan?" Julian said flippantly. Dammit, was Zachary some kind of magnet for picking up secrets out of people?

Zachary studied him, peering over the rim of his paper coffee cup. "You like him," he declared.

"What, Logan?" Julian tried again.

Zachary's smile grew wider. "You _really_ like him!"

Julian slumped down in his chair. "Do you really have to announce that so gleefully?"

"It's cute! You two look good together," Zachary said like it was a finished matter, but Julian looked at him like he was crazy.

"Except we're _not together._"

"Then get together," Zachary answered dismissively, but Julian slumped down even lower.

"It's not that simple."

"Really? Because he is totally into guys. That was obvious in the first five seconds I met him."

"Speaking of meeting Logan, what was that all about?" Julian changed the subject.

Zachary waved his hand airily. "Just having some fun."

"That was not fun."

"It was fun for me!"

To put it simply, the meeting had not gone as planned.

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><p>"Hey, Larson."<p>

Julian's eyes lit up and he jumped off the couch towards the front door of Stuart House. "_Finally_."

Zachary was standing just inside the door, beaming at Julian and holding out his arms. "Come 'ere."

Julian hugged him tightly for a second before pulling away. "It's good to see you! Let's go."

"What's the rush?" Zachary raised an eyebrow, but it was too late.

Logan walked by at that moment, stopping when he spotted Julian.

"Jules?" He glanced over at Zachary. "Ah. I see. Your friend showed up."

Zachary looked back and forth between Logan and Julian for a couple seconds. Julian closed his eyes tiredly at Zachary's probing gaze. He couldn't really tell that… you know… could he?

But when he opened his eyes, there was a roguish sparkle in Zachary's eyes that didn't bode well.

"I'm Zachary. And you are?" The words were harmless enough, but the arm that slipped around Julian's waist didn't go unnoticed by Logan.

Julian narrowed his eyes at Zachary, but the musician mouthed, "_Just go with it" _at him.

Did he really think Julian would just go along with this- Zachary's arm tightened around Julian, and he couldn't help admitting to himself that it felt... Nice. After all, Zachary was attractive and actually possible. He relaxed into Zachary's touch a little.

Logan didn't miss that either. "Logan Wright," he introduced himself coolly, one eyebrow arching up.

It had gone downhill from there, with Zachary upping the clinginess and Logan becoming progressively colder. By the time they managed to escape, Logan was barely looking at Zachary, choosing instead to home in on Julian and stare at him fixedly, his eyes speaking for him. _"You and I are going to have a talk about this when you get back."_

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><p>"So!" Zachary said brightly. "Let's discuss why getting with Logan 'isn't that simple.'"<p>

Julian groaned. "Do we really have to?"

"Mm, yes. Yes, we do." Zachary scooted his chair forwards. "What's the situation?"

Julian resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have an in-depth discussion about the boy he loved with the boy he was kind-of-attracted-to-but-mostly-because-of-the-whole-Logan-look-alike-thing-although-Zachary-really-was-genuinely-nice-and-at-moments-he-almost-thought-that-he-could-really-care-about-him-if-he-let-himself-and-if-he-could-forget-about-Logan-but-that-wasn't-happening-anytime-soon.

Great. Just great.

He took another sip of his milky coffee, sorting through possible explanations in his head before finally deciding on the best way to sum it up for Zachary.

"He doesn't know I'm bi and he's never noticed me. He falls in love with pretty boy after pretty boy and I'm stuck fixing their relationship when he starts to crack until I can't take it anymore and have to get out of there." He pressed his fingers to his eyes, trying to block out all the different memories of guys Logan had touched, kissed, loved. They rose unbidden before his eyes anyways and he flinched at the mental onslaught of painful memories.

Zachary stayed quiet, mulling it over. "I don't get it. I mean, I get it, but I don't."

"Well, thanks for clearing that up."

"Uh-huh. Come on, though, Julian. The poor boy doesn't know you're bi. If he knew you were more equal opportunity than he's believed all this time, he'd probably be interested. I mean, you did say that he likes pretty guys."

Julian pulled a face. "Sorry. After all of the time I've had to deal with, it would take a life and death situation for me to tell him."

"God, Julian." Zachary's voice was more serious now, and Julian sat up a little, paying more attention. "He's your best friend, isn't he?"

"Well, there's Derek, too…"

"Still. You guys have a history. You can't just let it stop mattering to you. You can't pretend, Julian. You can't just hide from that."

"I'll do whatever the hell I want when I'm sick and tired of getting my heart fucked the hell over," Julian growled, clenching his hand so hard around his coffee cup that the flimsy lid popped right off. Steaming hot coffee splattered out, streaming down his hand.

"Shit!" he cried, snatching his hand away, the momentum leaving the dripping cup wobbling on the table.

Zachary thrust a stack of napkins at him. "Wipe off your hand and let me see it."

"It's fine," Julian muttered through gritted teeth, but Zachary gently took his hand anyways.

"Huh. You're actually right. You should still rinse it off with some cold water, though."

Julian didn't respond as he stared down at the hand holding his.

"Larson?"

"Yeah. Okay." He cleared his throat and stood up. "I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting."

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><p><strong>(AN: I am so dissatisfied with this chapter, it's not even funny. Also, I just noticed how similar Zachary's backstory is to Clark's. I'll get around to changing it eventually. FFdotnet's automatic formatting is also driving me crazy. Argh… I think the story should be picking up by the next chapter, so stick with it! This has all kind of been the setup, but the plot is going to start now. Do review. It means a lot to me.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Your Cold Eyes by Ambarlost**

**Belongs to CP Coulter and all that. Except for Zachary. He's all mine.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

"This is such a bad idea, Zachary."

"Not at all! That's absurd! Why ever would you say that?"

"I don't know, maybe because Logan completely…" Julian's voice trailed off as he realised that finishing his sentence probably would have been kind of insulting. Zachary had no such qualms.

"Hates me? Avoids me? Thinks I'm a brainless ass?" Zachary's face lit up with a lighthearted enjoyment as he started listing off the ways Logan disliked him. "Wants to shoot me every time he sees me hugging you? Has a dream where he will one day be able to say, 'Just stay the fuck away,' and slam the door in my face? Almost threw me out of Stuart House the other day when I asked him what he would rate you on a scale of one to ten?"

"Oh my god, you actually asked him that?"

"Mmhm." Zachary dropped his voice lower. "He practically strangled me when he accidentally said 'Something pretty damn high' before realising he'd actually said that out loud to me."

Julian stopped walking and threw his hands up in the air dramatically. "Why are you having so much fun with this?"

Zachary caught one of his hands, swinging it between them like a kid, but still tugging him along down the sidewalk. "I don't know. It amuses me. He hates me so much, but he hasn't even figured out why."

"If that's so, then why are you insisting on attending this Warbler performance?"

Zachary threw Julian a wink over his shoulder. "I'm checking out my competition."

"You've been visiting every weekend for two months now! I think you've seen him enough at this point." Zachary didn't respond at first. Julian just sighed, resigning himself to this completely bad idea, but Zachary suddenly spoke up.

"I thought maybe if he- Never mind. Just humour me on this one, Larson."

It was packed, as usual, like everybody at Dalton had heard about it and texted all of their friends before rushing over immediately. Granted that was how Julian had found out, but seriously, when the Warblers called it an "impromptu" performance, it should be actually impromptu. There was no way word hadn't gotten out on purpose.

Unfortunately, Zachary and he were too late. As they slipped into the large, airy room, Logan was holding out the last note of his song, his voice soaring above the already clapping and cheering students. There were no traces of his constant arrogance, just pure emotion layering his voice with enough beauty to send chills racing through Julian, even with just one note.

It was damn gorgeous and none of it was for him.

For a second, Julian wanted to push off of the wall he leaned against, race upstairs, lock the door behind him, and just escape the sound of that voice, but he knew all too well that it would haunt him for many days yet, even in his sleep.

Zachary cocked his head to the side a little from where he stood by Julian's side. "I don't know if I can beat this," he said, his voice barely registering.

"Yeah. But I wish you could." _I wish someone else could take his place. I wish I wouldn't lose myself because of him. I wish I could get out of here._

Zachary's gaze slid to him, a strange expression on his face. "That's a dangerous thing to say, Larson."

Julian spun away, avoiding his eyes. "At this point? I really don't care."

Zachary took a step closer, leaving less than an inch between them. "Somehow, I doubt you mean that."

"Try me."

"I will." The words, softly spoken in his ear, somehow didn't surprise him. The kiss did.

It was a barely-there brush of Zachary's lips on his, but the second of contact left him frozen in disbelief.

Zachary instantly pulled away, his voice cracking and shaky when he spoke. "Fuck... I'm so, so sorry, Larson. I just- I kind of- I went a little crazy- You're just kind of beautiful, you know that?"

Julian felt to urge to break out into hysterical laughter rising up in him, but instead reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him forwards and pressing every inch of his body against Zachary's. While the first kiss had probably been the most chaste kiss Julian had ever had in is _life_, this was nothing like it. Julian's grip pulled Zachary down to him until the taller boy was forced to wrap his arms even more tightly around Julian's waist, just to keep standing. Their lips moved together with a fierce intensity that drove all hesitation from Julian as he lost himself in the overwhelming sensations of heat and pleasure. Hands slid up and down each other, always staying outside or at the very edges of clothing, but always with enough pressure to make sure that it all felt so damn good.

_I'm making out with Zachary Lancaster in public. In the same room as Logan Wright._ The thought popped into Julian's head, but he pushed it away. _Fuck Logan. What's wrong with being happy for once?_

Zachary's fingers trailed down Julian's throat, his lips following after, biting and licking, leaving red marks scattered across the smooth, tan skin. A buzzing filtered through Julian's haze and he slipped his hand into Zachary's pocket to pull out the interrupting cell phone.

"Yes? No, this is a friend of Zachary," he managed to say, barely hearing what the other person on the phone was saying. "Sorry, he's a bit-" He stifled a groan as Zachary growled at the divided attention and nipped particularly hard at his collarbone, pushing away the collar of his Dalton shirt with eager hands. "-_busy _at the moment. I'll, uh, ask him to call back."

"Your agent needs you back in L.A., like, _now_," Julian muttered, doing his best to keep his voice from wavering.

Zachary finally tore himself away, but kept his arms around Julian, his eyes dazed. "You're kidding me, right?"

Julian reached up, clasping his hands behind Zachary's neck, his mouth curling up into a catty grin. "Nope. Get going, Zachary."

Zachary closed his eyes slowly, shaking his head. "God, Julian... Can I come back?"

"Preferably as soon as possible."

"Promise." He bent in for one last kiss, but Julian pushed him away with a hand on his chest after just a couple of seconds.

"If you stay any longer, we're going to end up in my bedroom. Save that for when you come back."

"That's _all_ I'm going to be thinking about until then."

Julian shoved him lightly again. "_Go._"

"I'm going, I'm going." He finally walked away, looking back one final time to glance at Julian, as if he couldn't believe what just happened.

Julian couldn't actually believe it either. _I just made out with Zachary. I just made out with a really hot guy. Whoa._

Hey. Let's be fair. You'd be thinking it too, if you were he.

"Have fun?" A voice radiating fury finally tore through his post-snog mental celebration.

_Fuck._

He turned around slowly, his eyes meeting icy, sparking green ones.

"Hey, Logan."

Logan didn't answer, just staring at him with a cold disbelief.

"Were you seriously watching us?"

He still didn't answer, just grabbed Julian's wrist tightly, wrenching him along as he stalked towards his room with a rapid, clipped stride.

"That hurts, asshole," Julian spat at him, some part of his mind distantly noting a faint tremble in Logan's hand. Surprisingly, Logan loosened up his hold. Barely.

"Come on, Logan, talk to me. Can we not have this end up like our last little discussion?"

Logan had made good on his threat to confront Julian after that first meeting with Zachary. Although Julian had sworn up and down that he was just friends with Zachary (then) _and_ managed to avoid telling Logan he was bi, it had ended with one of their loudest arguments ever, and that was saying something. Logan had spent the next few days completely numb and dead to the world with his anger medication.

Logan just ignored the barbed remark, though, pushing his door open so violently that it rebounded with a loud "BANG" and left a dent in the wall. Practically throwing Julian at the bed, he finally spoke.

"Just friends, my ass. What the _hell_ was that?" His voice was rough with a barely restrained rage and the lack of trust in his eyes tore at Julian's heart, but he just sat up straighter, schooling his features into a vindictive smirk.

"It's called 'making out,' Logan. Wait, don't tell me- You've never done it before? You should try it sometime. Might let some of your, ah, _frustration_ out." His voice was delicately tinged with all kinds of insinuations and he saw a fire immediately blaze up in Logan's eyes.

"_Don't_ push me, Julian."

Julian shot up off of the bed, finally dropping his attitude. "I'll do whatever the hell I want and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me!" His voice shook with an anger to match Logan's, shocking both of them.

Logan suddenly deflated, slumping back against the wall. "You could at least have told me you were gay."

"I'm not. I'm bi. Big fucking deal." He turned away from Logan to look out the window, desperately struggling to keep tears from his eyes.

"It matters to me."

"It doesn't to me."

"Fine. Whatever," Logan said flatly from behind him. "Just go."

"Oh, so we're done here now?"

"Get _out_," Logan hissed, his face showing the betrayal he felt.

"Whatever you say, darling." Julian pushed his way past Logan to walk out of the room.

_Damn. Just… Dammit._

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: Yeah. I just had my OC snog Julian Larson. Don't kill me, please. I swear on my drawing hand that I have a reason for it. Also... *keysmash* The Kiss was absurdly hard to write, because I skipped ahead and wrote the big Logan/Julian scene already and am all out of inspiration for that kind of thing. Note to self: Writing that in class is so, so awkward. I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS CHAPTER. IT'S A COMPLETE MESS. On the bright side, I actually like the Logan/Julian scene, now, and the morning after. If I've posted that by the time you're reading this, you should just skip ahead to it, haha. And yes, I just spoiled my own fic, but frankly, you should already be assuming that Logan and Julian are going to hook up eventually. This is a Jogan fic, for Eru's sake. Anyways, this A/N is already way too long. So, reviews, yes? They make posting this awful thing worth it. I can't believe people are actually even reading it.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Your Cold Eyes by Ambarlost.**

**As I'm sure y'all know perfectly well, it all belongs to CP Coulter, except for Zachary. My little troublemaker...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

"Logan? Are you okay?"

No answer.

"Apparently not. What the hell are you doing?"

Logan didn't even look at Derek, just continued to stare fixedly at Julian's door, a slight scowl twisting his lips. "I believe I'm looking at Julian's door. Did you really need to ask?"

"You are not just 'looking at Julian's door.' You're glaring at it like you're trying to set it on fire with your mind."

"...that's a good idea, too."

Derek sighed heavily, dropping into the desk chair that Logan had abandoned in favour of standing in his doorway to watch the door across the hall with a dark expression on his face.

"Look, we both know they're probably engaging in some questionable activities in there. That's kind of Julian's business, not ours."

Logan ignored him, apparently deciding that he was done speaking. Derek rolled his eyes expressively, but went on.

"Seriously, so Julian decided to get a boyfriend. You don't need to freak out like this. Did you ever consider, I don't know, being _happy_ for him?"

Logan finally stepped away from the door, turning his accusing gaze on Derek. "You _knew_."

"What, that Julian's got a boyfriend now? Yeah, no kidding, I did. I think their extremely public displays of affection were kind of a clue."

"Not _that_." Logan half-growled with frustration, running his hands through his already messy blond hair in a gesture that had obviously been repeated several times previously. "That he's bi."

Derek's silence was all too telling, and Logan spun away, swearing under his breath.

"I can't believe you. _Both_ of you. Why would you keep something like this from me?"

Throwing his hands up in a gesture of complete exasperation, Derek couldn't help raising his voice. "Because it's not exactly my secret! What do you want me to do, go blabbing to you every time Julian tells me something?"

"I'm his friend, too! I deserve to know!"

"Maybe so, but that's _Julian's_ choice. It's not mine." Derek took a few deep breaths, trying to stay calm. "Instead of moping over it and scaring everyone away, you should actually try talking to him about it. And, for God's sake, try not to turn it into another screaming match. I know this may be hard to believe, but those really _don't_ fix anything."

"Oh, huh, because I totally couldn't tell."

"Yeah, well, your persistence in causing them sure makes it seem like that."

Logan shook his head like he was trying to physically clear it, still not stopping his constant movement. His fingers skimmed across the walls as he walked by them, tapping constantly, as if he could keep himself grounded by doing so. "Alright, alright, point taken. So, I'll go talk to him."

"Really?" Derek couldn't help being a little surprised that his advice was so easily taken. "When?"

"Now. I'm going to go talk to him now." Logan headed towards the door, but Derek's snort of derision stopped him.

"Seriously, man? We just discussed this. You probably do not want to see what's going on in there right now."

Logan froze, his muscles obviously tensing up.

"Right. That guy's in there."

Derek raised an eyebrow, but didn't push the matter, instead standing up from the chair to leave. "In the meantime, you need to ask yourself why the hell you're reacting so badly to the fact that Julian's decided to have gay makeouts with someone who's not you. And if you want my guess, it's not that you don't like the guy or that you think he should have told you. Now that I've done my obligatory part in being the one sane voice of reason in our happy little Stuart trio," he said, his hand still on the doorknob as he looked back at Logan, "I'm going to see if I can get laid. See ya."

Logan sank down on his bed, his mind racing furiously, repeating Derek's parting remark over and over again. (And, no, not the part about the girl.)

_Wait ... What?_

* * *

><p>Zachary stumbled out of the room, tripping over his own feet, a slightly goofy smile on his face as Julian laughingly pretended to shut the door in his face. Logan could barely hear the soft murmurs passing between them, but Zachary obviously said something right, since Julian's eyebrow shot up and his snide smirk took on a decidedly sultry trace to it. His fingers curled around Zachary's collar teasingly before jerking him forwards so sharply, Zachary staggered forwards yet again, even as Julian's arms wrapped around his shoulders. It was less a goodbye kiss than a promise of everything that would happen when Zachary came back, all lazy, slow, and deep. The stifled groan from Zachary could still be heard far too distinctly and more than just a few boys stuck their heads out of their rooms to see what was going on, before flushing red and ducking back in. Neither seemed to notice, but just when the two of them seemed on the verge of heading back into the room for a second round, Julian whirled away, throwing a mocking "Come back soon!" over his shoulder. The door slammed shut and Zachary actually fell against it, his expression still bemused.<p>

Logan had planned to stay in his room until Zachary left. Call him a coward, but he didn't feel up to dealing with him and the whole "nice guy" thing he had going. Even so, his body moved on its own, stepping forwards and towards Julian's room, even as Zachary walked by him with a polite, cheerful nod. Instead of knocking on the door, he found himself watching the boy leave, his hands tucked into his pockets with a dapper air to the stance. Evidently, the two had enjoyed the time in each other's company.

Zachary was halfway down the stairs before Logan instinctively called to him.

"Why?"

"Why what?" was the puzzled answer, and Logan hesitated before speaking.

"Why Julian?"

Zachary tilted his head, considering both Logan and his question. He wasn't blind. He could definitely see the resemblance, and even if Julian himself didn't realise it, Zachary had no doubt that the young actor spent much of their time together thinking about Logan on some subconscious level. And yet… There was still the possibility of something. There was a chance. "I think I might love him," he said simply.

* * *

><p>Julian knew perfectly well that he should clean the room before anybody came in, but right now, all he wanted was to collapse on the bed and take a long nap. Stretching luxuriously, he smiled to himself, remembering the taste of Zachary's mouth on his.<p>

That would be when Logan walked in, his face showing a rare insecurity. Julian shot up from the bed immediately, concern taking over his thoughts automatically.

"Lo? What's wrong?"

Logan only mumbled something, flopping down face first on the bed with an uncharacteristic lack of dignity.

Rolling his eyes to conceal his worry, Julian nudged Logan. "Was I supposed to understand that?" he asked dryly.

"You've got something on your neck." Logan raised his head just enough to enunciate his remark before falling back down.

"Oh. Right. Zachary thought it would be funny to draw on my back with markers." He pushed the back of his shirt up unthinkingly. "Why? Is it something really bad?"

The blond boy snuck a quick glance, his eyes widening when he realised just how much skin Julian was showing him. His gaze traveled down, taking in the smudged, inky drawing of Julian's trademark sunglasses sprawling across surprisingly delicate skin and lean muscle. There was what looked like a darkening bite mark, but Logan tried to dismiss the thought.

"No, you look perfect." Julian dropped his shirt at that, his expression incredulous. "I mean, the drawing's fine. It's just a doodle of your sunglasses."

Julian nodded without speaking.

Logan shifted on the bed, moving just enough to let appealing green eyes peer up at Julian through tousled blond hair. "You two…" His voice trailed off and he cleared his throat, like he was making an effort to go on.

Julian drew nearer, unable to stop himself, not with those eyes fixed pensively on him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his hip barely brushing against Logan's.

"What?"

"You two," Logan began again. "You, uh, really like each other, huh?"

"I guess. Yeah, we… Mm, yeah, we do." Julian's voice tripped over the words. Why was Logan asking this?

Looking away at Julian's answer and turning away, Logan buried his face against the bed again. After a moment, he finally spoke, announcing in a voice muffled by the pillows.

"Your sheets reek of sex."

"Well, yeah, Zachary was just here," Julian said wryly, a slight awkwardness in his tone.

The words sank in and Logan shot away, scrambling backwards like he'd been shocked with electricity.

"Fuck!"

"Exactly." Julian couldn't help grinning, even if it was obviously a mistake. Logan's wild-eyed look veered to him.

"You fucker!"

"No, no, that was Zachary." Shit, that was even worse. Logan's eyes hardened and he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. A pause, and then the door swung open again.

"I just want you to know," Logan said heatedly, the vehemence tempting Julian in spite of himself, "that I support you no matter what sexual orientation you have. Oh, and it really fucking hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me. That's all."

He slammed the door shut viciously again, the anger he always tried so hard to control welling up within him.

_That went well._

**(A/N: Logan and Julian are really big on dramatic exits… I'm sorry this took so much longer than I planned! I've been absurdly busy. It's so bad, I've only gotten three hours of sleep per night for the past days, so please forgive me. Anyways, I feel like I need to issue a warning. The next chapter WILL have Jogan sex. Yeah. If you're not into that kind of thing, I'm sorry, but skip down to the end, because it is part of the plot. If you **_**are**_** into that kind of thing, my apologies, but it won't be smut. I tried to handle it as tastefully as possible. This is my first romance fic ever, and it's boy/boy, so I don't think I'd be able to handle smut on top of that. Thank you for reading and please review! Your thoughts on this silly effort are so appreciated.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Your Cold Eyes- a Gondola fic (Chapter Six)**

**by Ambarlost**

**The characters and setting belong to CP Coulter/Glee. Zachary's mine, the poor boy.**

**EDIT: Guys, this chapter is being a real bitch to me right now. The formatting is not working _at all_, and half of the chapter is getting randomly italicized. I have no idea why this is happening and I'm trying to fix it, but please have patience. Thanks for your understanding.**

**SECOND EDIT: I know, this is getting ridiculous, but the issues I've been having are NOT resolved yet. *glares at FFdotnet* Also, I just realised that down at the bottom, in my A/N, I accidentally said that the story would end with Julian/Zachary. Hahaha- NO. I'm really sorry, that was a horrendously bad typo. Trust me guys, it will be Jogan. Like hell would I break them up.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"For fuck's sake," Derek said loudly, staring up at the ceiling. "Can you two just make up already? This is ridiculous."<p>

The boys sitting on either side of him pointedly ignored his exasperated plea.

"Derek, pass me the pepper." That was Julian.

"Derek, mind handing me a napkin?" And that would be Logan.

"Logan, the napkins are right next to Julian, and you have the pepper," Derek answered.

There was a long pause.

"Derek?"

"Fuck this. _No_. Not until you two carry a decent conversation."

The two boys stubbornly kept silent until Logan stiffly said, "Isn't Derek _such_ an asshole?"

"Oh my God, I know," Julian returned right away. The corners of their mouths curled up in tiny, mutual smiles, until Julian's eyes darted over to Logan and he immediately dropped the smile.

"Never mind, Derek, I don't feel like eating anymore." Julian pushed his seat back from the table dramatically and swept out of the room.

"Now, wasn't that a relaxing breakfast?" Derek said blandly to the now brooding Logan.

"Shut up, Derek."

"Alright, what happened _now_?"

"...I just went to talk to him, like you said to."

"Oh, God." Derek wearily covered his eyes with his hands. "You screwed that up, didn't you?"

Logan shrugged.

"I like how you're not denying it.

"The blond boy shrugged again. "Why? What is there to deny? I screwed up like I always do. Big surprise."

Derek slowly stood up just as dramatically as Julian would have. "You two are the most annoying, irritating, aggravating friends ever. Why do I even put up with you?"

"Because no one else will."

"Ouch."

* * *

><p>"Kurt, Logan is starting to seriously scare me."<p>

"Yeah, what the hell is going on with him?"

"As far as I can tell, it's because Julian Larson isn't talking to him."

"...oh."

"Okay, we'll just, uh, _stay the hell out of his way _then."

* * *

><p>"Julian, maybe you should just stop ignoring Logan. Neither of you seem to be doing well."<p>

"I appreciate the thought, Hummel, but the asshole badly needs to just get over himself first."

* * *

><p>"Julian, I asked Logan about what happened- what? Stop looking at me like that. You two have the whole Stuart House living in constant and inescapable fear right now."<p>

"Stay out of it, Derek."

"I'd just like to point out that you're having an idiotic argument over nothing. I don't even get why _you're _mad at him."

"Oh, so Logan's allowed to be angry, but I'm not?"

"You have to admit that he has a bit more reason to get mad than you."

"Get out of my room, Derek."

"Just make up, already."*

_"Get out."_

* * *

><p>"Logan, are you okay? Seriously, I'm getting worried. And playing the piano even louder doesn't help; I know you can still hear me. Logan, talk to me- dammit, the two of you are so fucking messed up-"<p>

"You're telling me."

* * *

><p>"Is Julian in there?"<p>

"Logan? Have you finally decided to talk to Julian?"

"Yeah. Is he in there?"

"Uh ... Yes, but you probably shouldn't go over there right now ... Zachary's visiting."

_Crash_.

"Logan! What the hell did that lamp ever do to you?"

* * *

><p>"Well, at least Julian nodded at him."<p>

"... that was less of a polite nod and more of a 'bitch, say one word to me and I will cut you' nod."

"... it's an improvement."

* * *

><p>"Guys, these stony silences are getting extremely awkward. Is it really necessary to do this every time we accidentally end up in a group together? Oh, okay, Julian. Yeah, you can do that. Just walk out on us whenever you want. Feel free to ignore me, Derek, who isn't even involved in this ridiculous mess."<p>

* * *

><p>In a moment of weakness, Logan finally knocked at Julian's door. It was about three in the morning, he couldn't sleep, and the consuming fury had finally burned away, leaving behind only an aching loneliness. He just missed Julian. It was that simple. So, even if Julian would most likely reject him without any hesitation whatsoever, he knocked.<p>

He didn't, however, expect Julian to open the door with a bottle of what was obviously alcohol in his hand. His shirt was askew and his hair messy, but the simple perfection of how the gleaming, brown locks fell against his cheekbones and the curving lines of his throat struck Logan with an impact he'd never felt before.

Life has strange moments of clarity that are far too easy to miss. Logan had been missing these all of his years at Dalton. Now, though, it had started to dawn on him, increasing without his even understanding, every time Julian looked away from him, passed by him without a word, or flung eager arms around the perfectly willing Zachary, knowing all too well that he was standing _right_ there.

Right there, on Julian's door step, as he took in the sight of Julian, disheveled but still flawless, it all culminated into one, indisputable line of thought.

This whole thing- it wasn't about Zachary.

It had never been about Zachary.

Well, it had, but not in the way he had thought.

It wasn't that he disliked Zachary, after all. Even if he still kind of did.

Yes, he was hurt. Yes, he was angry. Yes, he was confused.

More than that, though, it was about Julian.

It was all about Julian.

_Fuck. I think I might love him._

The thought initially surprised him, but somehow, it felt _right _and as natural as breathing.

_Huh. I do love him._

It felt like he had found the missing piece of himself and was finally fitting it into where it belonged in the puzzle that was Logan Wright.

_I. Love. Him._

"I see the prefect's come for a visit. Do you _need_ something?" Julian drawled, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms, his rich amber eyes melting and devastating in the golden glow of dim lights.

"Have you been drinking?" The first question that popped into his head and it was completely idiotic. Great.

"No shit, have I. Fuck off." Julian started to close the door, but Logan blurted out before he could shut it completely,

"I'm sorry."

Julian hesitated and then took a reluctant step back, letting Logan walk in. "Sure you are. Come on in." He held the bottle up. "Want some?"

"I'm a prefect."

"So?"

"Jules…" Logan trailed off, a warning in his voice.

"Just have a drink with me, Logan. Nobody really cares about the rules."

Logan sighed before taking the cup from Julian and sitting down on the edge of his bed. He took a large gulp without thinking, coughing as it burned its way down his throat.

"God, Julian, what is this stuff?"

Julian rolled his eyes contemptuously. "Rubbing alcohol."

"Right." Logan took another, smaller sip more cautiously this time. "Couldn't you have just snuck in beer like a normal person?"

Julian shook his head. "Beer tastes like shit."

* * *

><p>"What happened to us?" Julian interrupted the silence with his unexpected question.<p>

"What do you mean?" Logan glanced over from where he was lying down on the bed, but Julian stared stubbornly at the wall, with only his back to Logan.

"I mean we actually used to like each other. We used to be friends."

"We're still friends," Logan objected, propping himself up on his elbows, but Julian just laughed shortly.

"Sure we are."

"Hey, no. I mean it." Logan gently took Julian's jaw and tilted his chin to face him. It was a more intimate gesture than he'd intended, but in that moment, it felt strangely familiar, like something he should have done a long time ago.

"You're a prima donna, you're stuck up, and you always disappear on me. I have major anger issues, I think only about myself, and I assume too much from you. But despite all that… We're still friends. Because I care about you. Even if you keep running away from Dalton whenever you feel like it, I'll be here when you come back."

Julian jerked away, the brush of Logan's fingers burning into his skin.

"Whatever," he tried to say carelessly. It was a testament to his acting talent that he managed it, miserable and drunk as he was. "It just sucks being friends with someone who only hurts you over and over."

Logan sighed and dropped back down onto the bed. "I'm sorry, Julian. I really am. I hate how I fall so fast and that it affects you so badly. It's not fair to you."

_He knew?_ "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"My tearing into you when I'm angry, right?" Julian didn't answer and Logan took it as assent.

"It scares me, though." His voice was almost dreamy, as if he was speaking half to himself. "I'm scared that one day I'll get out of control. That I'll really hurt you. And you won't have fought back. God!" He broke off, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. "That pisses me off! You never fight back. You'll yell and shout, but you won't actually hit me. Why don't you _defend_ yourself like Derek does? Why don't you protect yourself? Why don't you do _something_? I might hurt you! It just makes me so angry to know you won't do anything. I _know_ you won't do anything. Why don't you stop me? Why don't you fight back?"

His voice escalated as he spoke and his hands clenched tightly in fists. He was only faintly aware of the slight sounds from Julian- a muffled thud as he set his heavy glass down on the nightstand, a rustling as he crawled next to him on the bed. Warm hands pressed carefully against both sides of his face and he opened his eyes to see Julian staring down at him. Julian's eyes were dark in the shadowy room, but Logan still saw in them something he had never seen before. There was a brokenness in them. An empty resignation. A deep-set hollowness to them that transformed Julian's normally confident expression to something more fragile, more vulnerable.

"I could never," Julian whispered, his voice hoarse, but quiet as a breath. "Not against you."

* * *

><p>It would be easy to blame the alcohol for what happened that night.<p>

Julian didn't resist when Logan pulled him down, his hands sliding up Julian's back to tangle in his hair. Logan didn't push Julian away when he hesitantly skimmed one hand across the heated skin under Logan's shirt. And Julian didn't even think about fighting back when Logan kissed him more softly than either thought possible.

The alcohol might have started it, but a large part of it was simply the reckless headiness of pent-up emotions and words.

Their hands began to roam, hungrily taking in the lines of each other and letting clothes slip to the floor. Logan paused for just a moment when he came across a mark left on Julian's neck from Zachary's last visit. Studying it with unreadable eyes, he leaned in, biting down, as if by doing so, he could replace it with one of his own. The heavy silence was punctuated only by Logan's quickened breathing and the low noises coming from Julian's throat, mixing together in a shivery, whispering duet without words. Every second sent them farther into a hazy dream where Julian arched his back into Logan's touch, where Logan silently responded to every one of the barely-there sounds Julian made that drove him mad, and the rhythm of their intertwined bodies' movements matched each other to the beating of their hearts.

But even when they held each other close to sleep, with Logan's fingers unconsciously drumming an inaudible beat against the curve of Julian's back, Julian tried desperately to forget the words Logan had quietly damned him with in those last moments.

_"I love you."_

* * *

><p>He twisted a little in the bed, slowly waking up, but keeping his eyes closed and inhaling the familiar scent of the warmth behind him. He could have stayed in there forever, but his mind couldn't and memories of last night came flooding back. Julian's body tensed up, suddenly wide-awake.<p>

"Lo?" he choked.

And, yes, that was Logan next to him on the bed, their bodies still overlapping each other.

No. Nonono. This was a mistake. He couldn't have- He didn't- Logan never would- _This couldn't be happening._ Half-formed sentences tumbled over each other in his mind, a chill racing down his back.

_Oh, god. I've royally fucked up this time._

Because it had been everything and nothing and this was all wrong, because it has been so unbelievably, mind-blowingly perfect that he'd never be able to forget, dammit, he'd be reliving what they'd done in every sleepless night and every grey morning and nothing, _nothing_ would be the same. Because he'd seen what Logan's eyes looked like when they gazed at something he thought was precious, worthy, and beautiful and oh, god, he'd wanted to drown in that. Because that look didn't belong to him and never would and when Logan had mouthed his name over and over in a hushed prayer, those words couldn't have been the ones that he wanted to say. Because he'd known immediately that what happened cost him a piece of himself that he could never get back.

And, of course, there was Zachary.

Julian eased his way out of the bed, doing his best not to wake up Logan. Logan just stirred a little, mumbling some intelligible words and reaching for Julian with a hand that he easily evaded. He winced a little as he bent over to snatch a pair of jeans off the floor before making his way to the bathroom.

The water ran down his bare skin with a reassuring warmth, tracing everywhere Logan's hands had been last night. There were actually the faintest outlines of fingers where Logan had blindly gripped his hips in the last moments before- _oh, God, stop thinking about that._ He was going to have to avoid the mirror when he came out of the shower, considering the attention Logan had paid to his neck all night long, even nuzzling it in his sleep. _Oh, God, stop thinking about that, too._ Under the water's flow, his muscles slowly relaxed from the tension that had shot through him at his realisation that _oh my God_ he'd actually slept with Logan- _STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT, DAMN IT._

"Jules?" Logan's familiar voice broke into his thoughts. He flinched, thankful that the fogged up glass prevented Logan from seeing him and vice versa.

"...Lo? You know I'm showering at the moment, right?"

"Yeah..." Logan's voice trailed off.

Julian flushed, pressing his hands to his cheeks. "Stop that _immediately_."

"What?"

"You're thinking about last night, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah. And what you look like right now."

"Just- Guh- Dammit- _Don't_!" Julian sputtered, shaking his head furiously, water droplets flying out from his hair. He saw out of the corners of his eyes Logan shifting from where he was leaning against the doorway.

"Jules. I'm a gay teenager, you're my extremely attractive best friend, I just... you know... with you, and you're in the shower a few feet away from me. Naked. I don't think I'm physically capable of _not_ thinking about it." He paused. "You're thinking about it, too, now, aren't you?"

Julian didn't even bother denying it. He turned off the water, instead, sliding the glass door open a crack and sticking his hand out. "Towel."

Logan didn't move. "Get it yourself."

"Jerk."

"Brat."

Julian silently took a deep breath, steeling himself, and stepped out of the shower with a forced, casual grace. He wrapped the towel Logan held out to him, after all, around his waist protectively, far too aware of Logan's eyes appreciatively traveling up and down his body.

"Eyes off, jerk," he muttered, looking away towards the floor and pulling on the shirt and jeans he had brought in with him, instead. Surprisingly, Logan turned away, stepping towards the sink and rummaging through the medicine cabinet for the extra toothbrushes he knew Julian kept there. Julian couldn't help watching him, especially in those black jeans clinging to long, lean legs- His jaw dropped.

"Are you wearing my _pants_?" Sure, at this point, he was used to Logan borrowing shirts all the time. Pants were taking it a bit far.

"Okay, first of all, I _already_ got into your pants last night," Logan said, not bothering to turn around, but waving one finger in the air dramatically behind him. "Second, you stole my pants first."

Julian glanced down. "Oh." _Wonderful. And now I've officially gotten into his pants._

Logan just nodded. "Yeah." As he leaned over the sink, having located the toothbrushes, Julian's stare followed, lingering on the perfect view in front of him...

"Are you checking out my ass?"

Julian's head snapped up, meeting Logan's too amused smirk in the mirror, somehow managing it with the toothbrush still in his mouth.

"No." Damn it, he was turning red. Some famous actor he was turning out to be.

"Uh huh."

Logan's eyes were far more intent than his lighthearted words, though. There was a seriousness in them that he'd seen before, but never with him. He shut the water, putting everything away with a strange caution, like he didn't want to move too quickly and shatter the strange air between them.

"Jules?"

"Hm?" _Somehow... I get the feeling that I really don't want to hear this._

"I meant what I said."

"What, that you were thinking about last night? God, like I couldn't tell from the way you've been looking at me."

"You make it awfully hard not to. And, no, that's not what I was talking about," Logan said calmly.

He knew he should walk away. He should escape while he still could. Jump on a plane, crash at Zachary's, get away from the boy he wanted so badly. But- "Then what did you mean?"

"Last night. That I love you."

It felt like the floor had dropped from below him, every nerve in his body screaming to run run _run_, and yet he stayed there, frozen, unable to tear his eyes away from Logan's steady gaze.

"Lo. It was sex. People say all kinds of things during sex. The happy little endorphins go racing through your system and your brain turns into sentimental mush that will say anything, as long as you think you could get another chance for more sex." _Fuck fuck fuck._ These were the words he'd wanted to hear for years, but Logan couldn't possibly mean them. This wasn't- He had never wanted to- _Fuck._

"Jules." This was the strange thing. Logan wasn't getting angry, wasn't losing his temper. He simply looked straight into Julian's eyes and stepped forwards. "I wouldn't lie about this. I would never say this if I didn't mean it."

Julian stayed still, even as Logan took another step closer. Maybe, just this once, he would allow himself a small, restrained happiness. God, he was going to regret this, but it was also so worth it, in some twisted way. So he moved forwards into Logan's waiting arms.

Their bodies fit together perfectly, as if they'd always been meant to come this close to each other, with Logan's hands around his waist and his head resting against Logan's shoulder. Tugging down Logan's face to his, they met in a kiss that could never have come from just physical want. It was unbearably sweet and tremulously intimate in ways even sleeping together hadn't been. If it had been possible, Julian would have stayed there forever, but he couldn't and wouldn't.

"Lo?" he murmured against the little hollow at the base of his neck, inhaling deeply when they finally broke apart.

Logan didn't answer with words, only a tiny hum of contentment.

"I can't believe you. I'm sorry."

Now Logan's eyes flew open and Julian could feel his shoulders tightening under his hands, even as he oh so carefully disentangled himself from the blond boy.

"I'm not going to leave Zachary for you."

One step back. One more.

"Jules. Don't. Don't do this."

He'd always thought his heart had gone numb years ago, but one look at Logan's face and his heart truly broke once and for all.

One more step back. No answer. His hand was on the doorknob.

"Tell me you didn't feel it, then- whatever we have. Just tell me that."

The door was open behind him and he could have escaped then if he wanted to, but at the expression in Logan's eyes, he gave him one last offering.

"I felt it. I don't think I could have kept from feeling it. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling it."

And that's when he finally ran.

* * *

><p>*I actually wrote that as "Just make out, already" accidentally at first. Some Freudian slip...<p>

**(A/N: Also, Logan is still wearing Julian's pants. I'm just saying. Julian's still wearing Logan's pants, for the record. Anyways, I feel like I might lose some readers for what Julian said about not leaving Zachary, but I think y' all will probably like the ending. *coughIT**_**WILL**_**BEJOGANcough* I also apologise for the quality of this chapter. Other than a few bits, I'm extremely unhappy with it, but I will very likely be devoting the rest of November to my National Novel Writing Month novel, so I didn't to make y' all wait another week. I'll go back and clean it up later. I do have the beginning of the next chapter written, so hopefully I won't take way too long. Mm, hope you enjoyed (if enjoyed is the right word) this chapter and please review! Reviews will sustain me in my mad rush to finish my National Novel Writing Month novel. Hint: The sooner I finish National Novel Writing Month, the sooner I can get back to working on the next chapter. That means I'll be able to post it sooner. Just putting that out there.**

**Oh, and I'd really like some feedback about the sex scene, since it was my first time writing one. I tried to handle it as tastefully as possible, but ... eh. What did you think? Yea or nay? Seriously, it would be extremely helpful. Thanks!)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Your Cold Eyes by Ambarlost**

**(A/N: Well... It's been a while, but I finally finished this damn chapter, after re-writing it a half-dozen times. Sorry, y'all. Anyways, characters belong to CP Coulter, Glee stuff is Ryan Murphy's, and Zachary is mine. 'Cause no one else wants him, apparently. ^^)**

****Chapter Seven****

* * *

><p>The members of Stuart House thought that they had seen what a fuming Logan Wright was like. They all realised now that they were sorely mistaken.<p>

_This_ was Logan at his worst.

It was at the point where whenever Logan entered a room, everybody in there would immediately evacuate in a flutter of papers, leaving behind only the constant aroma of coffee in their wake. Some managed to exit discreetly, while most... well... _didn't._ The younger boys, particularly, bolted for the door whenever Logan was in the vicinity. Frankly, by this time, Logan could have declared as the Prefect of Stuart House that there was to be no more coffee in the establishment ever again, and they would have obeyed without question- other than a few exceptions.

One of them, of course, being Julian Larson.

It was obvious that neither could stand the other's company anymore. If one entered a room and saw the other there, he would immediately turn around and walk right back out. There were even times when Julian would go so far as to mutely and expressively point at the door in a gesture that conveyed a thousand unspoken words, even if Logan had been there first. Initially, Stuart House members walking by would cringe every time it happened, expecting an explosion of violence. Logan had obeyed, though, walking out with a contemptuous sneer, and continued to obey every time, although neither ever spoke a word to each other.

Derek and Bailey, however, were likely the only ones to notice that Julian never moved from his position in the doorway when Logan passed by, each instead letting their bodies press up fully together for a fleeting second.

Logan, though, was not the kind of person who would give up easily, especially now that he finally realised what he wanted.

Then again, Julian had always been the person to get Logan what he wanted, something he certainly wasn't doing now.

On top of that, nobody had any idea what Zachary thought of the whole mess.

So it was hardly a surprise that when Derek saw Logan leaning against the wall just outside Julian's door, he took a long, deep breath before approaching him.

"I'm perfectly sane, Derek, if that's what you're wondering," Logan said before Derek could even open his mouth.

Derek snorted. "That'll be a first."

Logan grinned mischievously like he hadn't in a long time, which worried Derek even more.

"How are you doing?"

"All of you know, then," Logan responded simply.

"Hard to miss, man. Whatever is between you two feels like it's going to set the whole House on fire."

A light shrug. "To answer your question, as well as can be expected, I suppose." It was not a very reassuring response.

"Logan, with you, that falls somewhere between 'havoc-wreaking rage' and 'murderous rampage.' Sorry, but I'm just a _little_ apprehensive."

Logan began to say something, but seemed to change his mind when voices drifted towards them through the door, clearly indicating Julian and Zachary's approach.

"You might want to leave before the fireworks begin," he said instead.

Derek simply nodded. "I trust you. Don't burn the House down. Try not to get arrested."

There was only Logan standing there when Julian opened the door and he saw at a glance that there was something different between Julian and Zachary. Where not long ago, they would have been wrapped up in each other, never losing contact, there was now empty space between them. When Zachary leaned in closer to Julian, he turned his head ever so slightly away. Then he saw Logan just a few feet away, with his head ducked down, and somehow he knew instantly what Logan was there for. He didn't turn away, though. He didn't stop. He just let the inevitable happen.

And neither did Zachary, not even when Logan wordlessly caught Julian's wrist and pulled him close.

There was a ferocity in this that was utterly different than the whisper-soft intimacy they'd only known together. They were losing themselves in something darker, heavier, _hungrier._ Even as they kissed, it was as if they were battling each other for dominance. In one heartbeat, they had gone from a seemingly insurmountable distance between them to this, unleashing the intensity in an onslaught of friction and heat.

Tripping backwards from the momentum of their unrestrained madness, Julian's back slammed into the wall, his head cushioned by Logan's hand, though they didn't stop for even a second. The tiniest cry escaped Julian's lips as Logan pressed up immediately against him, trapping him against the wall, but he just pushed even closer to the blond boy. Their deep, devouring kisses turned even rougher, almost violent, and Logan actually growled in the back of his throat when Julian bit down harshly on his lower lip, the faintest taste of blood seeping through the intoxicating heat. Logan jerked away, his eyes blazing, before diving back in again to attack Julian's throat with fervent lips and teeth as his hands traveled down to wrap tightly around the smaller boy's hips, even as his leg slid between Julian's. His hands clenching into shaking fists, nails digging into Logan's back, Julian rolled his hips against him, breathy mewls and gasps coming in short bursts in a reaction that even Zachary had never been able to elicit. His body curved into Logan, drawing him nearer, as if he could never be close enough, not even when Logan's fingers slipped just below the edge of his jeans, his thumb sliding back and forth against the smooth skin of his hipbone. Every inch of his skin felt too sensitized, too attuned to Logan's touch. He electrified him. They electrified each other and it was all too much.

"Stop," he rasped. Logan froze immediately, his muscles quivering as if it took an effort to keep from pushing on. But he drew back, taking Julian's hands with impossible care and holding them between their chests.

"I-"

"No, it was-" and then Julian's words fell away, because Zachary was still standing there, his hands gripping the stairway bannister so tightly, they vibrated.

The honestly unintended message to Zachary had been made clear- it didn't matter how long, how often, or how many times he slept with Julian. It didn't matter how many dates he took him on, how many heartfelt conversations they had, or how many times Julian ran straight from Logan's arms into his.

_All it takes is one word, one touch, one kiss, and Julian is completely and utterly Logan's. Just like Logan is Julian's._ This was the unchangeable truth, because Julian and Logan knew each other and belonged to each other in ways that Julian and Zachary never could.

Zachary knew all this perfectly well from the moment he fell for the gorgeous, laughing, amber-eyed boy. He knew exactly what he was getting into.

Fuck, though, did it still hurt.

His face was frighteningly devoid of emotion as he stared silently at Julian.

Julian stepped forwards, reached a hand out, opened his mouth to say something, anything.

But there was nothing left to say.

Zachary was halfway down the stairs before Julian managed to speak.

"Wait!" The word sounded like it was ripped out of him, the voice cracking ever so slightly.

Zachary stopped and looked back, his expression appearing to have been carved out of stone, with only his eyes betraying an infinite weariness. It took an effort, but he smiled, really and truly smiled. When he spoke, his voice was unbearably gentle and full of forgiveness.

"It's alright, Julian."

Julian tried to interrupt, but Zachary went on with only the barest hint of a waver.

"We can still be friends. God, it's clichéd, but I like you too much to stop. We can't go back, though."

His smile faltered for just a second, and he began to walk away again. He knew Julian wouldn't try to stop him this time, and he didn't.

There was no use and all three of them knew it.

It's over now.

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I like how I picked the most inappropriate chapter to put a Team Starkid reference in. Sorry about such an absurdly short chapter after so long of a wait. It was initially longer, but I decided that the original end fit Chapter Eight more. *sighs* I've just had a lot of trouble working on this chapter. I think I'm having a bit of a slump after the insanity that was NaNoWriMo. Personally, I think the pacing for this chapter in particular was way too fast and needs to be expanded. I'll try to revise that as I write Chapter Eight. Not to mention, the... ah... i**_**nterlude**_** that Logan and Julian have****. Oh, Lord, did I have problems with that. I wanted to convey that it was more physical than even what they did in Chapter Six, except for one small snag- I have no fucking idea **_**whatsoever**_** how to write that kind of thing. AUGH. I'll also admit very, very quietly that I've been distracted by the Sebrek all over Tumblr. Sebrek is a ****wonderful**** thing. I will do my very best to get Chapter Eight out as soon as possible as an apology! Even if FFdotnet is being a jerk and replacing all of my apostrophes with "f"s and quotation marks with "g"s, so I have to fix them one by one. *glares* I hope I didn't miss any... I kind of feel bad about doing this to Zachary, though. I may be a hardcore Jogan shipper, but Julian? Logan? This is kind of messed up. I'm off to share my Emo Corner playlists with Zachary. Please drop a review on your way out? Frankly, I kind of need the encouragement, if you don't mind. R&R, hm?) **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**The last chapter of **_**Your Cold Eyes**_**. Just read it first and then I can apologise for how absurdly overdue this is.**

* * *

><p>"Unbelievable." The word was said softly, but it still carried across the room to where Logan sat at the gleaming black piano. His eyes narrowed at the sound of that voice and he deliberately kept from turning around.<p>

"I don't care much for your opinion," he said just as quietly, so it could barely be heard over the classic music he continued to play without missing even a beat.

"But you care about Julian."

His fingers slipped at that, missing the grace note and jarring the rhythm. He resumed with barely a pause. "How _ever_ did you come to that conclusion?"

"I don't know, maybe from when you practically fucked him in the hallway while I stood right there?"

"We were not fucking," Logan said, each word enunciated with care.

"Maybe not, but you would if you could and..." Zachary stepped forwards from where he had stood just past the doorway. "You already have."

Logan didn't look up, but Zachary saw how something in his eyes flashed at that.

"God, you have. You made love to him."

"Do you, by any chance, fancy yourself a budding romance novelist?" The music rolled out of the piano in waves, rising until he was playing in a stormy fortissimo, and yet his voice could still be caught under it all by those who had ears to hear.

Zachary certainly had both ears to hear and eyes to see.

"I can tell the difference, okay? With me, it was fucking. He liked me, sure, but it was fucking. He loved you. Still loves you, and God, you're so blind, you can't even tell. Unbelievable. Unbe-fucking-lievable."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Logan half-growled. "As I'm sure you know perfectly well, he hasn't spoken one word to me since you broke up with him. I do believe I know what his answer is, at this point."

"Bullshit." Zachary's eyes were unsympathetic and he raised his voice over the wild music pouring out of Logan's fingers. "You don't know anything, do you? So stop playing your damn music, turn around, and fucking face me!"

The notes tumbled together in a discordant crash and Logan's hands dropped from the shining keys as he slowly turned to meet Zachary's steady gaze. He tilted his head, both studying each other.

"I swear to God," Zachary muttered. "You two are the blindest people I have ever met. At least in Julian, it's a little adorable."

"I am truly heartbroken that you don't find me adorable," Logan said coolly.

"I'm sure you are. Heartbroken, that is. Or, at least Julian is."

"I really don't like hearing you talk about Julian."

"And I don't give a damn what you do or don't like. God, you're a selfish bastard, aren't you? This is isn't about you and it'll all go a lot faster the moment you get that into your fucking head. Take a moment for just once in your life and think about someone else who matters. You have one fucking chance and I'll be damned if I see you fail it. I'll be damned if I let you hurt Julian again!" His voice rose gradually as his words began to heighten, echoing in the sizable room, accented even more by the ironically impeccable acoustics.

But Logan easily matched it. "Fuck you, okay? Fuck you and your damned 'holier-than-thou' act." Every syllable was frosted over with venom and ice. "You think I don't know that I can't touch him without ruining everything like I always do?"

"My God, this is still all about you, isn't it?"

"Like hell it is! I just fucking can't! If he doesn't want me, then I fucking can't, because I am not about to break him again by my own blindness!" Logan shot up off of the piano bench, sweeping sheet music off of the piano's surface in one explosive motion, sending the crisp sheets fluttering to the ground in pale masses around him.

Zachary only gave him a long, unenthused look. "Don't. Don't posture as the martyr. What you're doing to him? It's killing him. In some strange, fucked up way that I can't compete with, he needs you. You think you're doing what he wants, but you're only hurting him more."

"What makes you think you know Julian better than I do?" There was a rushing in his ears, a pounding going through him, a faint trembling climbing up his fingers, an unnatural edge clinging to his vision and hearing. The familiar symptoms were back. It was there in the wire-thinness and razor-sharpness that draped across everything until it felt as if the world would collapse on him with only a breath or touch, like a paper house folding in on itself. And then a stray thought brought him back, anchoring him to this pseudo-reality.

_Jules would probably be pissed if I smashed this guy. Damn._

The absurdity of it made a smile curl across his lips for the fleeting moment, but a curious smirk from Zachary answered it, as if he'd known what Logan had been thinking.

"Well, I'm not the one oblivious to a boy who loved me to oblivion for three years, am I? He's your best friend, Logan, you should have noticed _something."_ And though it was his last word that he had emphasized, it was Logan's name that had been uttered like an insult. It was purposeful. Deliberate. Consciously done.

It pissed him off.

"I fucking hate you." He couldn't help even laughing a little at that, at the foolish, childish quality of it all. _I can't believe I've been reduced to this._

"I fucking hate you, too," Zachary responded just as quickly.

"You're a fucking prick. What does he even see in you?"

"Why? Are you jealous that he wanted me? Hurt that he found it easier to confide in me, who had been a stranger, than you, one of his closest friends? Do you wish you had figured out all of this before Julian and I hooked up? Because I do."

"So you could have avoided 'all of this.' I see. Very convenient for you." His voice was full of derision, but he looked Zachary straight in the eye.

"No. So Julian could have. I wouldn't take this back for me. I would never. But I'd take it back for Julian without thought. What I wish is that you could have discovered how you felt about Julian before you hurt him more than you already have." Truth pulled down his words with an almost physical weight. There was an absolute sincerity and, God, Logan resented it.

"What are you, Jesus? Sacrificing yourself for the good of all mankind?"

"What about sacrificing a relationship for a boy I love? Is that so hard to understand?"

Logan's steely glare softened and he glanced towards the stairway leading up towards the student rooms. "No. Perhaps not."

"Alright." Zachary's voice matched Logan's, but the intensity in his eyes only sharpened. "Alright. So, you go on up there and you make up with Julian, because this is your last chance. I'm going to be seeing Julian again soon, and when that happens, if I find out that you two aren't together yet? I swear to God- I'll take him away."

"You do that." Logan looked up, with a new hint of respect in his eyes. He didn't like Zachary. He still did not like him and would not for a very long time. But he understood something in the minutes they had spoken. "Because he deserves someone who will make him happy."

"Yeah. And right now," Zachary's voice fell even lower. "That person is you."

"I-" Logan's voice called back Zachary from where he had begun to leave one last time.

"Yeah?" he answered, not unkindly.

Logan stood still in a pool of sunshine that lit up the lines of him like a faint corona, his eyes so green, but so uncertain. "What if I hurt him again?"

Zachary allowed a slow, satisfied smile to spread across his face at that. "Logan Wright, we all get hurt and will get hurt. There is no real way to stop that from ever happening. It's kind of inevitable, but a great man once taught me this: The one thing we are left with is our freedom to choose. We can choose what we allow to love us, to affect us, and to hurt us. I chose Julian. He deserves a chance to choose you."

* * *

><p>Logan tapped on the slightly ajar door, stepping inside when he heard Julian say, "It's open."<p>

"Hey," he said carefully.

The absence of movement betrayed an absence of surprise and an abundance of jagged emotions. "Logan."

"How're you doing?"

"Honestly? Not so great."

"Right."

He gently touched Julian's shoulder, but the actor shrugged it off. He tried again, laying a careful hand on Julian's arm, but when he visibly flinched, Logan shifted back to sit at the corner of Julian's unusually made bed.

"Do you want me to go?"

The old, catty grin curved across Julian's lips and a shiver crept down Logan's spine at the sight of it. It should have been brilliant and fiery, but it wasn't. There was a blankness to it now. It lacked the captivating and mesmerizing qualities that had always seemed so innate. "Of course I do." He looked at Logan seriously and now he could see that flame re-ignite, the sparks flying up. "I want you to go. I'm dying for you to go. But I need you to stay."

"Julian," he said quietly. "All I want is to stop hurting you."

"It's a bit late for that, don't you think?" He laughed shortly and spun around in his chair to face Logan more directly.

"You don't get what it's like, do you? To be so wrapped up in a person. Do you know that I orient myself to you the instant you walk into a room? Just seeing your name leaves me unable to think. Your voice makes me want to grab you and never let you go. Every moment I'm around you, I see all of the possibilities tearing through my mind. When I'm with you, there are times where I think I forget how to breathe. Do you even know what that's like?"

"Yeah, actually," Logan said, gazing up at Julian. "I think I do."

"Sure you do."

"You're not the only one who goes through shit, Julian."

"Neither are you, but you still act like it."

Logan paused, then cautiously took Julian's hand, and though a look of regret immediately flashed over Julian's face, he instinctively squeezed Logan's hand encouragingly.

"Am I selfish, Julian?" he asked.

Julian blinked, then smiled warmly. "You just noticed?"

"That's a yes, correct?"

"Yes. A definite and most resounding yes."

"Then let me be selfish one more time." Julian's back visibly stiffened and his hand clenched reflexively in Logan's, turning it a painful white for a second. "Julian, I love you, okay?"

Julian blinked, then raised his free hand to cup Logan's cheek. "You can't do that, Lo. _I_ can't- I just don't think I can do it anymore here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I've been slowly falling apart for three years, now. I don't think I can keep holding on for much longer. I don't think it's within me anymore."

Though his words were a rejection, he sighed as the hand Logan had brought up to mirror his pushed his hair back from his face, barely grazing across his lower lip.

"Don't go, Julian," Logan breathed, his voice as soft as his feather-light caresses.

"I don't want to shatter."

"You won't."

"And how do you propose to stop that? People will always fail you and it's not worth it. It's not worth it to keep trying. It's not worth it to keep fighting. Don't you get it? We're all struggling so hard to achieve something and none of us know _what_. It's not worth it. People aren't worth it. I'm not worth it."

"God, don't say that, Jules. You know that's not true."

"Do I?"

"Let me be the one to prove it wrong."

A gentle, bitter laugh. "Lo, you're the worst of them all."

"You left out something. People can learn and change and become something new."

"You're so clichéd."

"I'm right. Let me prove it. Let me try."

Julian turned away and tilted his head back to glance out the wide window by his desk, taking in the mockingly bright sunlight that illuminated his room and the green-eyed embodiment of three years of aching wanting.

"Why do we spend so much of our lives surrounded by walls?" he asked with distant eyes.

"We choose them, don't we?"

"What if we have no choice?"

"You have one right now." Logan leaned his forehead against Julian's temple, his fingers slipping down to tangle with the actor's, lips brushing against skin as he spoke.

A pause. "You don't have to say yes," he said in a husky, barely audible voice.

"Trying to take it back?" Julian whispered, just as hushed.

"Never. Tell me what you want."

"What do _you_ want?"

"It's you that matters right now."

"I kind of fucking hate you, Logan Wright."

"I kind of fucking love you, Julian Larson."

A corner of Julian's lips curled up into a hint of a smile. "I kind of want to fuck you."

"I kind of want to pull you onto the bed under me and take off your clothes, piece by piece, so I can kiss every inch of you. I kind of want to be inside and a part of you so that your voice is hoarse from screaming my name. I kind of want to let you sleepily tease me when I can't help but start humming to you very, very quietly and fall asleep with you in my arms. I kind of want to wake up like that when the sun dawns across us and wake you by pressing soft kisses to your throat. I kind of want to see your eyes flicker open and a smile spread across your face when you see me. I kind of want to have lazy, slow, deep morning sex and right when you're about to come, I really want to whisper in your ear that I love you, because I do, Julian Larson. I do."

Julian drew back, slightly breathless, his eyes wide and glinting. "I can't tell if that was a love declaration or a sexual proposition."

The golden-haired boy only smiled and raised their interlaced hands to kiss each fingertip. "Do you want it to be both?"

"Yes. I do."

* * *

><p>Zachary stood at the base of the steps, gazing up at Julian's closed door, an odd smile twisting his lips.<p>

"Hey." A restrained voice called down to him and he stepped back to peer up at a tall boy eying him. "You actually came. I didn't expect that you would."

"I did," he confirmed simply. "Why not?"

"You didn't have to." Derek ran a hand through his hair, worry evident in his expression. "Are they…"

"I think they should be okay," Zachary said reassuringly.

"Oh. Well… Thanks," Derek said, the relief plainly pervading his awkward gratitude.

"No problem. I have to say, though, that your methods of resolving their mess were a bit unconventional."

Derek winced apologetically. "I'm sorry about calling you in. It was just kind of an... emergency situation."

"No, I understand." Zachary glanced one final time towards the room where two people had finally understood they had been missing. "I made a choice, too."

* * *

><p><strong>And then Sebastian poked his head out of Derek's door, yelling, "Derek, get the fuck back in here and stick your cock back in me!"<strong>

**No, not really. (Unless you want it to be real, because I kind of do.)**

**Anyways, this is indeed the end! Except not really. I plan to step away from this fic and stop thinking about it altogether for a while, then go back and edit/revise it thoroughly, especially as the bulk of it was written during NaNoWriMo, when I am not exactly in my best writing state. Expect to look a little different some months from now. Thank you to all of the lovely readers who have stuck with this until the end! Reviews would be awfully nice.**

**I am truly sorry about how late this is, though. There have been quite a few factors contributing to the delay:**

**A. The first two parts of Dalton E27. Reading those sends some people into mad bouts of writing. They just send me into must-make-the-perfect-playlist-to-heal-my-broken-heart-because-everything-is-Jogan-and-EVERYTHING-FUCKING-HURTS mode.**

**B. Finals/School in general. Ugh. Busy busy busy.**

**C. This one is kind of understandable. See, I've been reading/re-reading a lot of brilliant books lately. The kinds of books that make me look at my so-called writing and just sit in a corner, because what is the point when art like these books exist?**

**D. Writer's Block. Fun.**

**Random people I thank are Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, as the Social Network soundtrack forced me back into being productive, along with John Green. (Although, The Fault in Our Stars was a huge part of Reason C.) TFiOS has been on my mind constantly and even poked its head into this chapter, as made evident by that extremely blatant reference.**

**Again, I'd like to thank the readers who actually read this for reasons I have yet to fathom. I adore every single one of you. I hope you enjoyed this foolish effort. **

**Also, not that she'll see this, but thank you, CP Coulter for creating these people and this world!**

**I've just begun another Jogan story and have an additional idea bouncing around in my head, so please consider reading those when I post them! Danke**

**schön!**

**-Ambarlost**


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